Shrikes: birds that save dead animals for later by piercing them with thorns.
Kenna, Margo, and Kevin: three people who save weird shit for later via this blog (like the rice that's stuck in your goddamn hipster stache)
Kenna: somewhat holier-than-thou creep from Texas, which she always wants to call "the land down under." She is a general academic failure, enjoys long walks on railroads (fuck the beach), touching things she's not supposed to, drinking 40s with her eyes closed at the speed of sound, hindi pop, and making her music taste more pretentious (lollerskates).
Margo: dating a 37 year old pedophile, both are from Ohio (the land of microwaved infants). Wants to major in IA, commonly known as the major that will turn you into a major (haha, get it? major!) asshole. She enjoys squinty-eyed cats, hardcore freaky sex, taking baths in decaf chai tea, rubbing aloe on burned skin, and foreign children.
Kevin: aforementioned 37 year old pedophile. He was blinded by Japanese bonsai tree fetish pornography at the tender age of 13, and has enlisted the Great Eye of Sauron (lidless, wreathed in flame: you know of what I speak) to help him scour the interweb for even more fucked up shit. He aspires to be every single character from the Itty Bitty Titty Committee when he grows up.
but they looove you!
ReplyDeleteoh god
ReplyDelete